Wedding Guest: Your Complete Guide to Etiquette and Manners

Being invited to a wedding as a guest is a great honour, but it can also raise questions. What does ‘Kavaj’ actually mean? How much should you spend on a present? And is it really OK to wear red? In this guide, we’ve put together everything you need to know as a wedding guest to feel confident and help make the celebration a fantastic one.

1. Understanding the dress code – tips for wedding guests

The dress code is almost always stated on the invitation and is there to help you. As a wedding guest, it’s your responsibility to follow it to show respect for the bride and groom. If you’re unsure about the historical details surrounding etiquette and dress codes, there are clear rules for each level:

Jacket: Traditionally the same as a dark suit, but nowadays often somewhat more relaxed (e.g. a lighter-coloured suit in summer).

Formal attire: Tailcoat or military uniform. For women, a full-length ball gown is required.

Tuxedo: A black or midnight blue tuxedo. For women, an evening gown (not full-length) is required.

Dark suit: A dark blue, dark grey or black suit. For women, an elegant dress, skirt or outfit is required.

Important rule: Never wear white (that is the bride’s colour) and avoid being more formally dressed than the bride and groom.

2. RSVP on time (and correctly)

It may sound obvious, but replying to the invitation on time is the greatest favour you can do for the bride and groom. Respect the deadline and be clear about any allergies. Remember that the invitation is personal – if it doesn’t say ‘+ guest’ or ‘children’, it’s only you who’s invited.

3. Wedding gifts – how much should you give?

There’s no set amount, but a good rule of thumb is to base it on your own financial situation and your relationship with the couple.

If the couple would like a contribution towards their honeymoon, it’s perfectly fine to give money in a nice envelope with a personalised card.

Check whether the couple have a wish list or a digital gift registry.

4. Etiquette at the wedding dinner

During the dinner, your main role as a wedding guest is to help create a good atmosphere at your table. For a more in-depth guide on how to handle complicated seating arrangements, you can read more at Etikettarkivet.

Toasting correctly: Wait until the hosts or the toastmaster have welcomed everyone before taking your first sip of wine.

Seating arrangements: Respect your seat. Chat to your table neighbours even if you don’t know them – the bride and groom have seated you there for a reason!

Mobile phones: Leave your phone in your bag or pocket. During the wedding ceremony, it should be switched off completely (unless the bride and groom have specifically asked for help with photography).

5. Giving a speech as a guest

Although we have a separate guide for wedding speeches, the basic rule for a guest is simple: keep it short, personal and heartfelt. Two to three minutes is often just right. Remember to notify the toastmaster of your speech well in advance of the dinner.

6. Show respect for the bride and groom

Remember that the day is all about them. Arrive on time at the church or wedding venue (at least 20 minutes early), follow the toastmaster’s instructions and be the last person to complain if something doesn’t go exactly to plan. Your positive energy is the best gift you can give!

7. Say thank you afterwards

Good wedding etiquette means sending a thank-you note afterwards. A text message the day after is nice, but a handwritten card or a bouquet of flowers within a week shows extra appreciation for the fact that you were able to share in their big day.

Need more inspiration? Read our other articles on etiquette and good manners.