Wedding Etiquette: A Guide to Good Manners and Etiquette at Weddings

Following the correct wedding etiquette is important in order to show respect for the bride and groom and help ensure a smooth and memorable day. Here are the basic guidelines on how, as a guest, you can best handle the wedding invitation, give a speech at the reception and take part in traditions such as the toast to the bride and the first dance.

Invitations and wedding etiquette: Reply in good time

When you receive a wedding invitation, don’t forget to reply in good time. If you already know you can attend, reply as soon as possible. If you have any special requirements, such as allergies, let the bride and groom know so they can plan accordingly. Also remember that if you accept, you cannot change your mind later without a valid reason. If you’re unable to attend, show your appreciation by sending a telegram, flowers or, even better, a gift for the bride and groom.
Planning guide: Need a complete overview? Read our comprehensive checklist for wedding guests here.

Find your printing suppliers here

Wedding speeches: Order of proceedings and etiquette at the reception

If you’d like to give a speech at the wedding reception, you’ll need to let the toastmaster know in advance. The toastmaster coordinates the order of speeches and will let you know when it’s your turn to speak during the reception. The toastmaster’s contact details are often included on the wedding invitation or on the wedding website.

Writing your speech: Need some inspiration or help with the structure? Read ‘You’ll be fine with your wedding speech’.

Who speaks when? Would you like a detailed look at the exact order? Read our guide to the order of speeches at a wedding here.

The wedding ceremony – Wedding etiquette in church or at the ceremony

It is important to be punctual. Plan to arrive at the wedding venue at least 20 minutes before the ceremony begins. Arriving once the ceremony has already started is considered very rude.

Seating arrangements during the wedding traditionally follow certain rules: the bride’s family sits to the left of the aisle and the groom’s family to the right. Other guests are free to sit in the remaining seats. At same-sex weddings, the couple themselves can decide how their family and friends should be seated.

The bridal toast – Receptions and etiquette after the ceremony

After the ceremony, when the newlyweds arrive at the reception, the traditional wedding toast takes place. All guests raise their glasses and toast the bride and groom, often with champagne or sparkling wine. It is usually the toastmaster or a close relative who initiates the wedding toast by proclaiming: “A toast to the bride and groom!”

The first dance: Wedding etiquette on the dance floor

The bride and groom’s first dance is a highlight of the reception. Traditionally, the dance begins with a bridal waltz, but you are free to choose a different style of dance. After a while, the guests join in; the bride’s father then dances with the groom’s mother, whilst the groom’s father dances with the bride’s mother. After that, it is customary for each guest to dance with their table companion before being free to choose their own dance partner. Later in the evening, the bride usually dances with her father and father-in-law, whilst the groom dances with his mother and mother-in-law.

Wedding etiquette for presents and gifts

A common question regarding wedding etiquette is how to handle gifts. Traditionally, a gift should reflect your relationship with the couple, but there are no set rules on exactly how much a gift should cost. If the bride and groom have created a wish list, it is good manners to use this as a guide to make things easier for both them and yourself.

When should the gift be given? It is becoming increasingly common not to bring physical presents to the venue itself, particularly if the wedding is taking place in a different town or city. Many people choose instead to send the gift in advance or leave it on a designated gift table at the venue. If the bride and groom would prefer a contribution towards their honeymoon rather than gifts, it is perfectly acceptable to honour that wish. Remember to always include a card with a personal message so that the couple know who the gift is from when they open it in peace and quiet after the wedding day.

The rules governing Swedish wedding etiquette are deeply rooted in our cultural history. If you’d like to read more about the historical traditions behind our celebrations, you can visit the Institute for Language and Folklore.