Getting married – 3 women talk about wedding planning and the ceremony

Getting married & making your dream come true

Have you spent the last few years dreaming of a simple, barefoot hippie wedding with Caribbean sand between your toes, only to realise that you’ll probably have to sacrifice that dream because it’s not what’s expected of you? When it comes to weddings, it’s suddenly not just your own voices that count, but those of half your family. Your mum groans, “But what do you think Aunt Agda will say?” when you confide in her that you want to get married in a short, white leather dress, and refuses to listen to what you have to say in your defence.If you find it hard to live up to the expectations of those around you, it can be difficult to say no and follow your heart when it comes to wedding planning. Even though you know the people around you mean well, they easily forget that it’s your wedding and not theirs.
Suddenly, everyone has an opinion on what you should wear, which church you should get married in, and what should actually be served for dinner. A certain type of wedding may be a tradition within some families. If you’re not willing to follow that tradition, you may upset older and more conservative relatives, even though you mean no harm.
Many people feel under intense pressure in the run-up to the wedding to please both family and friends rather than listening to their inner voice. Even though you’d like your wedding to pass relatively unnoticed, you know that’s hardly something you’d get away with, and that people expect you to be willing to take centre stage on your big day.

Didn’t stand her ground

Anna, aged 29, wanted nothing more than an intimate wedding with only her closest friends invited, but faced strong criticism from her family.
— I really wanted to go abroad and get married to my husband, which my parents considered unacceptable. I was pregnant, tired and just wanted to get the wedding over and done with. But my parents resorted to some pretty nasty tactics to make me feel guilty and get their way. For them, it went without saying that I should get married in the same church where both they and my grandparents had got married. Mum argued that it would be incredibly disrespectful to my grandmother not to let her attend my wedding, so in the end I felt compelled to have a traditional church wedding, she explains, pointing out that this caused her relationship with her mum to become strained for a while. She says she regrets not standing her ground instead.

Made her dream come true

Margareta, aged 31, found it hard to imagine anything other than a traditional wedding, even though her finances wouldn’t allow for it.
— I’d been dreaming of a church wedding ever since I was little. I wanted a white dress, red roses, flower girls in silk dresses, the whole extended family seated in the church, a talented photographer and a reception in a castle setting. As both my husband and I were studying when we got married, our finances weren’t exactly in the best shape. He tried to persuade me to cut back on the costs. He wanted me to choose a cheaper dress than the white dream I’d had my eye on and to cross certain names off the guest list. He thought we could hold the reception in an ordinary venue, but I refused to give in. For me, it was unthinkable not to make my dream come true, so we borrowed money to be able to get married. Neither of us has regretted that decision. I had my traditional wedding and it was just as predictable as in the films, which felt reassuring. For me, my wedding was the most important day of my life, and that’s why it was important that it turned out exactly as I wanted. Sure, a crazy Las Vegas wedding might have been exciting, but it wouldn’t have said anything about who I am. Many people might think I’m boring and predictable, but that doesn’t matter because my traditional wedding reflected who I am, she explains.

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Listen to your heart

What sort of wedding says the most about you? Perhaps you’d like to get married in the place where you met your loved one, even if it was on a ferry to Finland. If your first kiss was to a hard rock song, it might feel only natural to get married to that song, even if it isn’t appropriate in church. Stand your ground and listen to your heart. Emma, aged 28, chose to defy the expectations of those around her, which made things complicated when she started planning her wedding.
— My husband and I both wanted a simple wedding. We’re both musicians and wanted our love of music to be a central part of both the ceremony and the reception. We knew my fiancé’s parents would have some objections as they’re Christians, but we never imagined they’d be downright furious when we presented our plans. Our idea of getting married on stage was, in their view, unthinkable. It had to be in a church, and that was that. We decided to ignore them and got married in an old theatre. I wore a very short, second-hand green dress and my husband wore jeans. At our wedding reception, our friends’ rock ‘n’ roll band played, and we spent our wedding night at home instead of in a hotel. I don’t regret a thing, she says, explaining that her in-laws actually apologised to her afterwards and turned up at the wedding.

Remember that there are really only two people whose wishes you need to make sure you fulfil: yours and your partner’s. After all, you’re getting married for your own sake, aren’t you?

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